What does abundance mean if you are child “less”?

Not feeling “full of the joys of Spring”?

When we experience difficulties and challenges in life, it can be hard to feel abundant. If you find yourself struggling in the aftermath of an unsuccessful fertility or IVF journey, you might feel emptiness at not becoming a parent.

It can be easy to find yourself focusing on what you don’t have, the life that you had longed for, the child you are missing, the hollowness of infertility.

Watching social media posts and seeing those around you with the life you had dreamt of can make the feeling of being child “less” even more acute as you make comparisons and identify with the opportunities no longer open to you.

Even if your quest for a family was some time ago, it can be easy to slip into patterns of thought around what we don’t have, particularly if family and friends are now enjoying the experiences of becoming grandparents.

Connecting to abundance through nature

But how do we turn our attention away from what we lack? One way that can help us is to take our lead from the natural world around us.

Even if you find yourself in a personal winter with the warmth of Spring seemingly a long way off, you can still choose to seek out the abundance in life. Even in winter there are signs of beauty and plenty.

Nature is a great place to start to search for our own sense of abundance, and focusing on it can take us up and out of our feelings of scarcity. Nature provides an opportunity for us to connect with something that is much bigger than ourselves and helps us to recognise the bounty outside if inside we may feel lacking.

Discovering green or blue spaces around us even if we live in bustling towns and have busy lives can provide a sense of calm and acts as a balm especially if our souls are feeling tender and bruised by our infertility experiences. Nature can lift our spirits and provide inspiration through the challenges.

We don’t need money to access nature or lots of time to find it – it can be found by simply glancing through a window, or by observing a beautiful house plant indoors. Connection can be as brief as watching a cloud drift past or noticing new blossoms on a nearby tree.

Flip your perspective

By remembering what you’ve seen, heard, or felt in nature, find time to identify the green shoots or established blooms of abundance in your own life.

Maybe it’s an abundance of time to do the things that bring you joy, wonderful opportunities to nurture your garden or develop an allotment, or a wealth of valued friends, or family, who nourish and provide balance. Anything that adds colour and depth to your life. And by doing this you will find that instead of focusing on your lack, you will connect to your abundance.

Writing these experiences in a notebook or journal can really help act as a reminder to yourself during dark days and challenging times. Or capture an image on your phone of a favourite place or a much admired green space as a prompt when you need to connect back to that feeling of calm and abundance.

My experiences of connecting to abundance

I never like to refer to myself as “child-less” as it suggests to me a sense that somehow, I may be lacking in life. In contrast I prefer the term “child-free” as this helps me to connect to and recognise the freedom that not having children brings me. Although my child-free status was not my choice or decision, I have learnt to focus on the abundance that not having children has given me.

If I have any moments of doubt, I choose to take positive action. I only have to look up and out at nature to be reminded of how much abundance there is in the natural world and that I can be part of it by connecting to the feeling of expansion it brings.

I would never have had the joy of bringing Elm and Bloom to life and meeting the fabulous people I have met through my work if I had become a parent. This work is such a blessing to me, and I am grateful for the abundance it has brought in my life.

I hope as you read this blog you can enjoy the abundance of late Spring and through this connection begin to recognise and revel in the abundance of your fabulous child-free life.

If you are struggling after infertility and unsuccessful IVF, know that Elm and Bloom are here to help. See our Events page for information about upcoming talks, workshops, and retreats. Sign up for weekly insights and helpful notes of support. See the Services page for four beautifully crafted bespoke support services that are offered throughout the year.

We look forward to helping you explore, let go, and move forwards.

What does abundance mean if you are child “less”?

Thrive Beyond IVF