The long and winding path to here

Many of us have experienced the roller coaster that is life, the ups and downs, the light and shade.  Maybe you’re on a nail-biting ride as you read this.  As I write this first blog of the new year and reflect on how I got here to this point in my life, it feels as if the path to this place has been long and winding but one that has led me to somewhere beautiful and exciting and I wouldn’t be anywhere else.

In 2011 my partner and I embarked on two rounds of IVF after trying to conceive for several years before this.  IVF felt like a last chance saloon – if it hadn’t happened naturally, the wonders of science would help us be parents.  IVF wasn’t something I had wanted to pursue - but then does anyone, when thinking of starting a family, think that IVF is for them, unless there are medical reasons or circumstances that mean this is the only option?

So off we went, full of hope to a lovely and supportive IVF clinic, ignoring the statistics and success rates.  If you have experienced IVF you will understand the highs and lows of the treatment – the constant watching of dates and times, the uncomfortable effects of the medication, the indignity of collecting eggs and sperm, and all those injections.  And then there’s the bucket loads of positivity needed and the constant pressure to relax. You feel if you entertain negative thoughts, you’ll jinx the whole thing.  

However, despite all the positive signals we received during our treatment a successful outcome was not to be ours.  And nothing could have prepared us for the utter devastation when we discovered I wasn’t pregnant.  After all that you put yourself through, the shattering of hopes and dreams of becoming parents was massive and it sent me into a spiral of despair and grief. 

And so, the pathway to start the next chapter of my life began.  Very falteringly at first – I remember talking to a friend who asked me what was next after IVF and I remember thinking the future was like a black hole.  It took me a while to begin to pick myself up and deal with the grief. I held out hope that I could still become pregnant naturally but avenues we pursued became blind alleys.  I decided to lose myself in my job and career - could this be my identity?  I was in a spin not knowing which direction to go now that I wasn’t going to be a mum.

I realise now, looking back on all this time, that IVF wasn’t an ending of something but the beginning of everything.  One slow and small step at a time I began to heal - my body, soul, mind and emotions - all of me.  I gave space for the tsunami of grief, anger and shame to be felt and released.  Through coaching, lots of research, several retreats, and being helped by some amazing practitioners and personal champions who believed in me – I was nursed, nourished and nurtured back into life and slowly regained my confidence  and rediscovered my identity and joy. I emerged to where I am today - very happy and fulfilled with my child-free life. 

All my experiences have ignited a passion in me to support others who have experienced IVF and its ups and downs, whether successful or unsuccessful in its outcome and however long ago this experience was.  To provide the kind of support I would have liked to have received myself when I needed it the most.  To encourage those for whom children haven’t been the outcome they were hoping for - to acknowledge that your experience matters, and your voice and story are heard. 

You are of great value to this world whatever your pathway has been to the here and now.  You deserve to live your life feeling confident, inspired and full of joy. To thrive and bloom after IVF!

“Your life isn’t about a big break.  It’s about taking one significant life-transforming step at a time.”  Oprah Winfrey.