Happy Valentine’s Day!
Time for some self compassion
Valentine’s day offers the opportunity to celebrate all things love. A focus on affection, friendship, and care at this time of year can create happiness, warmth, and comfort. But what if you don’t particularly feel love at the moment especially with yourself? What if your heart feels broken?
This annual focus on love can be particularly poignant if your IVF journey has been unsuccessful and you find yourself without the family you were hoping, whether this happened recently or many years ago. After IVF we can be left with a sense of anger and frustration especially with ourselves as we were unable to conceive or sustain a pregnancy. We can blame an underlying health condition or be left wondering and frustrated by unexplained infertility. It is easy to take out our emotions on ourselves for perceived failures and think our bodies have let us down for unsuccessful outcomes.
Negative thoughts
Have you ever caught yourself thinking “what if I had relaxed more”, “eaten a better diet”, “seen a certain fertility specialist” your IVF journey would have been successful? Have you ever questioned “why me?” or wondered if you didn’t deserve to be a parent? We may feel we are to blame for our situation, but this is not the case. These are natural reactions to an experience that is ultimately out of our control, and as we try to find reasons why we couldn’t have the children we longed for don’t feel guilty for having such thoughts.
The emotions we experience and the negative stories we can tell ourselves about our situation are powerful. If left unchecked they can hinder how we move forwards beyond IVF. They can make us resentful and begin to impact our relationships particularly with our partner.
Release and let go
Letting go of any unforgiveness you may have for yourself because of your infertility journey is an important part of thriving beyond IVF. If you find this Valentine’s Day difficult, take a moment for yourself and allow time for some self compassion.
On a piece of paper or in a journal write a list of five things that you would like to forgive yourself for – your body, your womb, your lifestyle choices – whatever comes immediately to mind.
Don’t be tempted to analyse or connect with the emotions but observe as if you are a listening caring friend.
Extend love, kindness, compassion and acceptance towards yourself and the parts of you that need support. By beginning to identify the areas that need care you have started the process of release and the journey to self-forgiveness.
Either safely burn the piece of paper to symbolise the release of emotions or keep the list and every day for the next month bring loving forgiveness to the areas mentioned in it
Enjoy the things you love to do
Replace resentment and anger with love and gratitude. Be thankful for all that you have now in this moment without judgement.
This Valentine’s weekend, allow yourself time to enjoy something that you “love” to do – revel in a comforting hot drink, relish a walk with your partner, delight in a candlelit bath, take pleasure in a hobby. Whatever you choose love what you do and in the process begin to allow light and love into the areas of your life that need your support at this time.
You deserve love.
If you are struggling to come to terms with your IVF experiences and would like support Elm and Bloom are here to help. As a special offer, throughout the months of February and March Elm and Bloom are offering a discount on all its packages to support you at this time. See the Services page for more details.