Anniversaries and connections

A MOMENT OF REFLECTION

There are many books, social media prompts and almanacs that bring our attention to a specific day in history or encourage us to mark each day with a particular poem or inspirational quote.

Connections

The prompt to acknowledge a certain date allows us to connect to the present or look back to the past and trigger personal memories. I had such a moment of reflection this week – I realised it was ten years ago since my partner and I went through our first round of IVF which proved unsuccessful. 

I remember the discovery that things hadn’t worked out as we had hoped was utterly devastating and crushing.  I remember being overwhelmed by the pain and grief and was in shock and disbelief.  We took the day off work and I remember holding onto each other as the tears flowed freely and the loss was deeply felt.

The cycle of hope and shattered dreams will be familiar to anyone who has tried to conceive without success but so much is invested emotionally, physically, and financially when going through IVF.  If unsuccessful, the pain is even more acutely felt, and dashed hopes are more distressing.

Anniversaries

No matter how recent or long ago your IVF journey has been, memories of it can be painful and emotions around IVF anniversaries can run high.  Observance of these dates can be isolating if it’s difficult talk about your thoughts and recollections with your partner, family or friends.  If you find yourself facing such an anniversary know that you are not alone.  Many have experienced the same pain, loss and sadness and can relate to the deepest, darkest times. 

Overcoming

After several years of coming to terms with our loss and unsuccessful IVF experience, going through some tough times along the way, I can now look back on this ten year anniversary with a sense of acceptance and even gratitude.  The memories are poignant, but the pain is not acute and the loss not devastating.  Instead of feelings of heaviness and despair, I can see the wonderful things that have come through my experiences – the incredible love I share with my partner, the amazing supporters and companions who walked beside me and helped me to pick up the pieces after the ending of my IVF treatment, the freedom I have being child free, the confidence I feel as I value my place in this world.

Marking the journey

IVF anniversaries can be emotional and moving but at my decade milestone I am thankful and grateful for my amazing life and all the great things in it.  As a way of marking this occasion I have placed some flowers on my windowsill as a reminder of my journey through and beyond IVF and to acknowledge how far I have come. 

Special offer for March

If you find yourself facing a significant fertility anniversary and feel you would like support, then know that Elm and Bloom are here to help. 

The Elm and Be package provides a two hour session for you to process and mark your IVF journey whatever the outcome has been for you and no matter how long ago it was.  You will have space and time to process and acknowledge your experiences in a supportive and safe environment so that you can honour and mark all that you have been through.  For the month of March, this package is being offered at a special rate in recognition of this blog.  See the Services page for more details.